The
only thing Delila and I had in common now was our proctologist. Of course, I
caught him fucking her in the ass and he only inspected mine, but that’s
neither here nor there. Yet, here she
was, invading my sanctuary. The inner sanctum of the best lawyer in Los
Angeles. She was frowning and pretending like the last three
years hadn’t happened. Her manicured hand was shoved into her side and the
she-devil even tapped her foot in impatience.
I
schooled my expression before I spoke. “Sorry. I think I misheard you.”
She
looked down her gnarled nose at me as her expression scrunched up into a look
of constipation.
“You
heard me, Saul, you fucking prick.”
I
put the biggest smile I could onto my face and looked at her with smug innocence.
“No,
dearest, I didn’t.” My conscious did a cartwheel at the saccharine sweet tone I
injected into my words.
“I
need you to give me some sperm. I want a baby, you asshole. You owe me.” Irritation
laced her words as she glared.
All
of the men she slept with while she was married to me and I’m the one she needs
to jack off. Interesting. Maybe it was my chiseled chin that she needed the
baby to have. There was also the matter of my dashingly handsome figure. Broad
shoulders. Flawless nose. Everything drawn to perfection. I smoothed my Versace
tie as I leaned back in my lounger.
"What
about Jerry?"
Glee
flew through me seeing her descend from edginess into fury.
"Jerry
never happened according to the judge." Her snooty tone was accompanied by
a nasally screech not unlike a cat being plowed into from behind.
The
judge—who I'm sure she blew in the bathroom every morning before the trial—awarded
her alimony, despite the ironclad prenup I'd insisted she sign. She also got
the house and my lime green Aston Martin. That was particularly painful.
"Why
me?"
"If
you must know… I'm engaged. We can’t conceive and you’re the only candidate I
would accept." Delila sniffled and dramatically leaned to the side.
The
utter shock of her words nearly knocked me off my leather recliner. Married?
Four thousand dollars of my money would still be mine every month?
“He
agrees to this?” I want to say that I wasn’t considering it, but then I’d be
lying. I am Jewish after all.
“Yes,
she does.” Delila made sure she was purred
as she raised an eyebrow at me.
She?
So now she’s a lesbian? Part of me thought this was made up bullshit she was using
to continue her crusade of dicking me in the ass.
I
watched Delila’s fingertips thrum against the sides of my desk as she watched
me. Normal people took in the LA skyline, then again Delila was Satan. If only
I had a fiery pit to make her feel at home.
I
contained a sly smile. Oh, I really am a magnificent bastard.
“What’s
in it for me?”
“Whattya
want?” Her palms leaned onto my desk as she towered over me. It was the Jersey
in her.
“I
want you to give me back my Aston—“
“Done.”
“I
want to end all alimony payments—“
“Fine.
I have Penelope now. She provides for me.”
“And
I want it all in writing before you leave here.”
There
was a moment of absolute silence.
“Take
your car and money, you dickbag.”
Delila
walked out of my office fifteen minutes later with a copy of the contract and a
date for Next Tuesday. A smile crept across my face as I dialed my secretary.
“Sir?”
“I
need you to find me some sperm?”
